Cue the muppet show announcer: Fiiiiiiiiiire iiiiiiiin Spaaaaaaace!
This episode is about exactly what you think it is.
I remember this episode. The dagget scuffles through miles of air ducts to do something, and things blow up, and things burn. People nearly die.
Whoa! WHOA! I don’t remember the Rejuvenation Center! Which is totally decorated in 70’s colors, and has an air hockey table. We’re treated to Boxey, Muffit and Athena doing Cutesy Dialogue with Boomer for all of a minute before we cut to launch-the-vipers stock footage. Cylons are approaching. A red alert tinges the whole interior of everything red, and more vipers launch. And more. You never knew there were this many. What’s Boomer still in the Rej Room for? Did his viper go without him? The doors shut tight and Athena as-you-know-bobs to let us know that ‘just in case the Galactica gets hit, they shut everyone in whatever room so they all die in flames.’ Well - she actually burbled something about saving oxygen and hull breaches and so forth. But we know the truth.
Vipers are firing and things are a’sploding, and Tigh says something’s wrong — too many fighters coming, and they’re not fighting back. Adama has them close the blast shields that shutter off the bridge. And then we see a fighter turning and approaching, and a centurion intones ‘aim for the bridge’ — BOOM. Fire. Sparks. Space Acting! People fling themselves on the deck plates. Apollo yells over the comm line, but Adama’s face down and out of service. So are about umpty million panels, windows, and other really breakable things.
Another cylon fighter hits a landing bay. The Galactica’s hit bad, and things are aflame, and there’s smoke everywhere. The Rejuvenation Center is surrounded by fire in the corridors. Adama, flat on his face under some rubble, murmurs some advice and goes under, and the doc arrives to tote him away to become an Object of Suspense(tm).
The vipers fly around keeping an eye on things, as the Galactica’s scanners are destroyed. The white male version of Dualla tells Tigh that Boomer, Athena and Boxey are among those in the Rejuvy Center, which has been cut off - how does he know who’s in there? The scanners are down. Is there a sign in sheet somewhere they pulled to check? Did they search the whole ship and guess? Is the Dualla substitute psychic? Sounds like time for a fanfix.
Boomer is taking apart a door. Those viper pilots are multi-talented all right. Smoke is pouring through a vent - won’t someone please save them? Oh my!
Aha! Wounded guy in sickbay says he saw Athena and Boxey go in there before the attack. All is explained. Lorne Greene acts like he’s nearly comatose, but talks like he’s just sleepy. Doc talks to Apollo about heart surgery and why PapaDama needs it, and why he’s not getting it — problems with the energy or something.
Folks in tinfoil suits shoot foam into the flames somewhere… looks like a great big basement full of pipes.
Apollo wants to know how long Athena and Co. realistically have to survive. Tigh, looking like he rolled around in the flour, says ‘not much.’ Well, it was vaguer than that.
Boomer shorts out the door mechanism and gets it open, as what looks like dry ice vapor comes under the other door. Everyone runs through, Boomer leaps dramatically after as the other door dramatically blows up — do they make doors out of explosives? how is that safe? Probably made by the same company that makes all those Hollywood cars you see blowing up in movies when someone shoots a bullet into them.
Apollo and Tigh point at a really lame little schematic of the Galactica, talk randomly about circles and squares they label ‘converter’ this and ‘generator’ that, and Apollo thinks the daggit could make it through the air vents. Then we’re off on another tangent where it’s decided to load up some vipers with bor-ton, so they can shoot it into the landing bay.
Whoa. The Dualla wannabe has some serious rug burns on his face that weren’t there last time I saw him. He announces the launch of the bor-ton flight.
I tell you, someone’s psychic. They’re sending the daggit into the vent with a note. What good will it do? Everyone knows they’re in there. What’s the daggit gonna do, come back with a very very very long hose?
Oh, now, that’s funny. The vipers shooting bor-o-ton are just about the best phallic symbols you can imagine. Guess what the stuff looks like?
The night the lights went out in sickbay…. Doc is listening to Adama’s heart when they do, and he sputters he has to operate now, or he’ll die. Meanwhile, people in foil suits with a coat of cellophane for good measure are spraying bor-o-ton on a door marked “energizer #2″ — yes, save the bunny!
Tigh comes to listen to Adama croak a solution to the fire - smother it with the vacuum of space. You know, it’s something — all these able bodied people wandering around pulling their hair out over a problem they can’t solve, and the near-comatose commander has all the answers. And when did Tigh change his uniform?
Apollo and Starbuck crawl out an airlock to set charges on the hull to bring in that vacuum of space to smother the fire. They’re floating around without tether lines — no magnetic boots either, and no rocket packs. Well, guess they’ll come out of that okay.
Tigh, at Apollo’s behest, puts a tray of mushies in front of the vent. The daggit, mechanical as it’s supposed to be, will sniff them out like Boxey taught it to do. Because robotic dogs can do that, you know, and they would. I’m still wondering about the odd bit of sympatico that led two separate groups to the same conclusion, that a daggit should be sent through the vents.
Adama’s being operated on — from the filmy covering over his head they’re also coloring his hair, or perhaps giving him a perm. The lights flicker ominously.
Down in the hazy room of despair, everyone’s coughing. Tigh ties (hee) a bag of oxygen masks to the daggit and sends him back. When the hull blows, little plastic masks that cover the nose and mouth with no source of oxygen attached to them will save the trapped people.
Predictably, Apollo saves Starbuck from drifting away into space. For want of a tether, the sex symbol was (almost) lost. I can’t really tell what they’re hanging onto out there, but the suits are long johns and the helmets can’t possibly be air tight.
Umpty million shots cut back and forth — it’s Apollo, crawling slowly across the hull — no, it’s a daggit crawling — Apollo — daggit — yay, everyone gets oxygen, and Muffy gets a pat on the head. And Apollo’s still crawling around on the hull. He sets the last charge, leaps through space, and it looks like he’s not going to make it. So Starbuck jumps after him. Well, that makes sense. The charges go off, the fire goes out, and Apollo and Starbuck are doing that thing Crichton and D’Argo did — drift through space, holding hands. Sheba finds them floating there and a shuttle goes out.
Cut to sickbay, where Adama’s recuperating while wrapped in bubble wrap. Well, maybe it’s just sparkly stuff, but it could be bubble wrap. Apollo’s not afraid to cry as he thanks Boomer for saving his family. Muffy is wheeled in on a gurney; he ran back to save a firefighter and got a bit charred. So all’s well that ends well.
Except, why would cylons go to such great lengths to cause all that and never take advantage of it? Makes no tactical sense, does it? Those crazy toasters!