This Content Pulled From Actual Conversation

Me: … so I don’t really feel so hot, lately.

Him: What do you believe?

M: ?:-/

H: Do you go to church? What’s your sense of the divine? Do you feel connected to it?

M: Um… I used to go to different churches. It sort of depended on whether I found a ride, and with whom. But that was a long time ago - I gave up on that when I couldn’t find any one place with a theology that made sense to me.

H: So what about now?

M: What about it?

H: Do you believe in God? A god? A divine presence?

M: I guess you could label me ‘agnostic.’ I used to think I believed. I’m not so sure what to think, any more. I always thought that you should be able to ‘buy in’ wholeheartedly, that somewhere deep inside you should feel the solidity of your conviction, that your whole being should rest on whatever spiritual belief you find to be true. Which isn’t to say that ‘true’ and ‘factual’ are the same, like some spiritual sorts want to claim. I’m thinking in terms of personal Truth.

H: So you don’t believe in anything.

M: … It’s not that simple. If there’s anything I could say I believe in these days, it’s that nothing is that simple. Nothing important, anyway. If everything were truly a matter of believe or disbelieve, like an on/off switch, it would be easier. Wouldn’t it?

H: I was just wondering - it just seems to me that if you felt a connection to something beyond yourself, it would be easier for you. Maybe you wouldn’t be having such a hard time.

M: People. I have a few friends.

H: You have family?

M: Practically speaking, no. Technically, I have parents who don’t talk to me, and a brother who does when he remembers I exist, and a sister in law who generally has the attention span of a gnat and the follow-through of an unmedicated six year old with ADHD. I have hoards of uncles, aunts and cousins I never talk to, most of whom I’ve never met.

H: So you’re alone. Bad parents, few friends, no church.

M: This is unusual how? Most Americans are in the same boat. Studies have been done - it’s a trend. I’m a trend setter.

H: That’s not something most people would brag about.

M: Meaning is something Americans don’t teach kids to look for. I am a product of my society. I came to understand all of this pretty late in the game. Remember Maslow? I have most of the basic needs met — I’m working on the rest. It’s okay.

H: You’re okay?

M: Actually, I’m more ‘okay’ than I’ve ever been in my life. If you have time I’ll list all the ways I’ve never been okay….