I just recognized the voice that does the monologue in the opening credits. It’s the guy who played John Steed on the Avengers. Hm.
Adama climbs the lazy susan as Tigh informs us all the “fleet is panicking.” Meanwhile, Boomer’s waking up and thanking Apollo and Starbuck from inside his tube. Meanwhile, Adama is in his office telling Tigh the void is a “black sea” mentioned in the Word of the Lords of Kobol. Tigh doesn’t believe it. Adama shows him his medallion o’ shiny diamond as if that proves anything.
In another room, possibly a pilot’s lounge or something, all the women/cadets are babbling about Cylons and fighting, while Apollo tells a big-eyed enthusiastic Starbuck about a little place on a freighter he found for after the wedding, that with “a few curtains and maybe some paint” it would be “wonderful.” There’s “convincing portrayal of strong independent women,” and then there’s “trying too hard.” And then there’s “hammering the point into the audience’s brains with a sledgehammer.” Richard Hatch and Dirk Benedict look like they’re really having to work at playing this scene seriously and doing their best not to cry, laugh, or possibly both. Oh, wait - Serena just asked if they felt left out and Apollo sarcastically replies, “oh, of course not.” Am I to be faulted for thinking this was bad acting, instead of sarcasm? My bad.
Adama is shown the blip in sector whatever, somewhere behind them. It shows then it vanishes - tease! Out goes the patrol. Apollo and Starbuck are being followed by Serena, who insists she’s Apollo’s wingman and blah blah pushy pushy. Starbuck sez, okaaaay, have a nice patrol, then says he’s going to the officer’s club. Then he runs and gets in Apollo’s viper. You can almost hear the nyah nyah as he turbos out the tube into space. Apollo hustles after him, Serena goes after him, and Apollo shouts at her to go back - she threatens to bring him up on charges, nevermind how many times she’s disobeyed orders in the last ten .. centons?
Argue, argue, let’s do this, no you go home, and Starbuck takes off on his own. And promptly he’s surrounded and swearing to himself. Lucifer brings him into the Big Chamber o’ Baltar. Starbuck lights a match on a centurion’s chest. Hee. He looks up at Baltar and announces he’d trade his life for one shot at him. There’s banter, Baltar offers peace, has him taken away. His idea, as he monologues to Lucifer, is to trick them into thinking the Cylons want peace.
Apollo mourns over the radar screen. Serena wants to get married right away, doesn’t want to wait, because they’re in danger and she’s anxious and afraid. Segue to the Chamber of a Thousand Candles, and Adama droning on and handing out jewelry. Long pans across smiling faces and glistening eyes, and Adama “binds” them - just their hands - and declares them sealed. A star glimmers overhead - oh, it was so dark I didn’t notice there’s a window there. Adama’s all excited because a star in the void means Kobol, “where life began” - and then we’re there.
Wow, they went to Egypt for a shoot? Cool. Adama, Apollo and … I think that’s Serena, hike up and climb around in some rubble near the pyramids. Pa wanders off so Apollo starts necking. I swear, those crazy kids need a chaperone all the time or they just wander off task. Adama notes the arrival of the Landram, which unloads all the female pilots, and he tells them to make camp and post a guard.
Baltar is standing at the base of his high chair, wearing … tights and boots? Auditioning for Robin Hood, hmmm? Lucifer tells him a star appeared “out of nowhere” in the void and led the humans to a “dead planet”. Baltar’s confused, then remembers the old story and gives out a ‘mwahahaha.’ Well, a chuckle. It’s in the tone.
Adama is strolling through ancient columns covered with heiroglyphs and talking about Eden, the largest city. He just happens to have brought the funky amulet with him and wanders into an anteroom, reads a line of heiroglyphics, and socks the medallion into the appropriate shaped hole. The door opens! Serena gasps! Adama takes a “torch” - a stick with a glowing jello mold on it - and they nearly fall into some skeletons Adama thinks are tomb robbers. He puts the medallion in another likely looking hole and opens some bars, and they walk on into the chamber he claims is the tomb of the ninth lord of Kobol. Awestruck, he kneels at the sarcophagus, and Baltar strolls in from another direction.
Adama jumps up and starts to strangle Balt — cut to sunset over pyramids! — to strangle Baltar. Apollo stops him, only to have Baltar make a long speech about all his sufferings and claim to be there to tell them he was supposed to lead them into a trap, but he’s not going to do that - he’s there to tell them the Cylon empire is in chaos and a single battlestar could end them forever. Adama says “the tongue of an angel and the soul of a snake.” That about sums it up.
Baltar wants them to pretend to be his prisoners and dangles Starbuck as bait. Everyone’s suspicious, but Apollo’s ears perk up at the news of Starbuck. Adama blabs out that he thinks Earth exists and he’s gonna look for it. Great.
Lucifer is in the Big Chair. Centurion in a kilt comes in. They talk. Lucifer doesn’t trust Baltar and suspects a double cross; he wants Powah! and Glorah! Halle-lu-ya! Though he doesn’t sing gospel, the sentiment is there behind his flashing red eyes.
Serena and Apollo are pitchin’ woo in their typical stilted fashion when Starbuck shows up and tells him about the base star. Why are there so many people on the ground? How many people does it take to look around in a tomb? Apollo darts off to find Pa with Baltar in tow. Adama, who’s wandering about the tomb for no apparent reason, snaps at him for not following orders and taking Baltar to the Galactica; Apollo says he decided not to, cause he wants to protect the council etc. What a good officer he is, ignoring the president and his military superior officer.
Star shine through a high window lights up the chamber suddenly, and Adama hurries around to look up - the light hits his shiny medallion and bounces around a few times until there’s a shining blue triangle of light. Then the sarcophagus opens. Baltar scurries, Adama shouts at him, and everyone hustles down some steps into the actual tomb, where the actual sarcophagus is. Baltar immediately tries to open it. Apollo unconvincingly tries to struggle with him and the thing falls open to reveal an unbandaged mummy holding a gaudy gold spraypainted scepter with two huge gems of red and blue. Baltar snatches it up as Adama burbles “you dare touch the sacred crypt” — Baltar doesn’t believe in that claptrap until the place shakes and rocks fall, at which point he hollers an apology. Yeah, too late for that. They’re trapped.
New word - meggon. Apollo says they’re using 50 meggon loads - meaning the Cylons are attacking, which they are. The camp is going up in flames and people are running to vipers.
Adama, do something! Baltar shouts. Whatever happened to hyper-competent Baltar, commander of the base star?
Tigh is fussing about on the bridge and wishing there were warriors aboard. You know, that’s pretty doggone dumb, leaving the fleet unprotected that way. Sounds like all of them went down to the planet and set up tents - though what they were doing all that time Adama was just pacing around inside the tomb, gods only know. Did they really need fifteen or so people on the ground to watch the commander pace? Also, are there only twenty viper pilots in the whole fleet? Good grief. The formerly sick pilots arrive from sickbay, weak as kittens, but Boomer reminds Tigh that vipers are flown from a seated position, so it’s not like being able to stand is a prerequisite. Uh huh. We want dizzy, lightheaded, weak pilots at the controls of sophisticated machinery we can’t easily replace. Yeah.
Vipers are coming! The vipers are coming! so are the cylons! Lots of stock footage of flying ships firing and exploding. Starbuck’s having to nanny the girls through their maneuvers. Meanwhile the sleepytime gang, fresh from sickbay, are taking off.
Back in the tomb, everyone’s dusty and Adama’s ecstatic. He’s found instructions. Another volley hits the pyramid overhead, sending clouds of dust and chunks of rock flying - the door’s open, but the heiroglyphics Adama was reading are in pieces. What a tradeoff, eh?
More vipers shooting cylons. More cylons flying around. And Baltar’s trapped under a rock. Run, Adama! Run Apollo! “You have not heard the last of Baltar!”
Adama and Apollo and Serena head for the surface, where they’re met by Starbuck and some chick whose face I can’t make out. “We’ve got to get off the surface as soon as possible.” No sooner does Adama utter the magic words than centurions appear and shoot Serena before being shot. Cue dramatic dying scene, complete with stricken looks all around.
She makes it back to the ship, long enough to be tucked neatly under a sheet before making her farewell speech to her son. This scene isn’t half bad, actually. No anvils, no hammy acting. Pa takes Boxey from the room and Apollo cries with her to the bitter end. Which we don’t see, because we cut to the hall outside where everyone else is gathered, hugging each other. Apollo takes Boxey by the hand, leads him down the hall, and has the talk of ‘everything will be okay.’ Credits.
Why are the female cadets “girl warrior #x” in the credits?
It’s memorial day weekend here in the states. Have a good holiday!
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