Kind of a so so week, leading into the BIG TEST O DOOM on Saturday.
Out of eight appointments, four have actually showed up. Two appointments that didn’t show were in Distant Clinic. Bah. Still, if most people show tomorrow, I’m still ahead of the game. And if they don’t, I study.
I downloaded the registration packet to acquire an intern number. I need the number to be employed. I need to graduate to get the number. I need the office of Whoever Maintains Transcripts to get the ‘incomplete’ off my transcript so I can acquire an official transcript to finish the form to get the intern number. And I’m getting a sick feeling in my stomach as I wait for the big bad wolf to blow the straw house down. As I asked my supervisor tonight, “whose a$$ do I have to kick to get the incomplete changed?”
Feeling much better about other things, like the graduation ceremony. The people with whom I have an actual relationship will likely be there. My parents will likely say they aren’t up to the drive, as according to my brother both have been declining somewhat. My brother and sis in law will probably bring wacky adopted nephew, and we’ll probably go out for something tasty before they drive home.
In thinking about all the angst surrounding my mama… I’m realizing it isn’t about her at all. It’s about me owning up to the fact that there wasn’t really a relationship, in the sense of two people knowing each other intimately and accepting each other anyway. She can only accept me if I behave like the ten year old she misses. I can accept her the way she is as long as I don’t have to sit and listen to her for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch - I’ve noticed that (probably due to the therapist part) I have this subtle confrontational thing going on, and the one thing anyone who spends more than a day with Mum knows, is you don’t confront her, you let her be as illogical and daft as she likes, and don’t puncture her delusion that the world really ought to function just as she seems to expect. Challenges Are Bad. Conformance Good. You Must Be Like Me Or You Are Wrong!
Good grief. I was raised by a Borg.
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